


A Hunky Gay Unitaur Rode My Virgin Booty

by callay



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Crack, Impressive Abs, M/M, Magic, Smut, Unitaurs, did i mention crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-20
Updated: 2014-02-20
Packaged: 2018-03-13 17:46:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3390557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/callay/pseuds/callay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An incredibly cracky parody of <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Chuck-Tingle/e/B00SF2MTYK/ref=sr_tc_2_0#">Chuck Tingle's hilarious monster erotica</a>.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Hunky Gay Unitaur Rode My Virgin Booty

**Author's Note:**

> I'll claim this is a parody of [Chuck Tingle's works](http://www.amazon.com/Chuck-Tingle/e/B00SF2MTYK/ref=sr_tc_2_0#), but it's more of an homage. I don't know how much you can appreciate my skill here without having read his stuff, haha.
> 
> Blame everything on [thisiswherethefishlives](http://www.thisiswherethefishlives.tumblr.com).
> 
> ***
> 
> When Leo ventures into the forest to get his wish granted by a supernatural unitaur, he knows it's a long shot. What he doesn't know is that meeting the gorgeous unitaur Alphonso will take him on a mind-blowing journey of erotic gay passion.
> 
> When Leo and Alphonso lie down together in a magical clearing, Leo gets more than just his wish satisfied!

[](http://calllay.tumblr.com/post/111536681342/when-leo-ventures-into-the-forest-to-get-his-wish)

Sometimes when you make a wish, it comes true. Other times, it comes true, but not in the way you expected.

I know it sounds silly to ask a unitaur to grant a wish, but I’m a scientist. So long as there’s no evidence that unitaurs can’t grant wishes, it’s worth a try. That’s how I find myself deep in the woods, standing in a clearing and waiting to see if a unitaur will show up.

Suddenly, I catch sight of him, and I can’t breathe for a moment. A real live unitaur, walking towards me.

He has the body of a powerful, muscular horse, chestnut fur shining in the sun. A man’s torso rises from the horse’s shoulders. He has broad shoulders, ripped arms, and amazing abs that ripple as he trots towards me.

I’m totally speechless when he gets closer. On top of his sexy body, he’s incredibly handsome, too. He has deep brown eyes, a wide smile, and a beautiful golden horn rising from his forehead. It catches the sun, dazzling me, but the hotness of the unitaur dazzles me even more.

The unitaur stops in front of me, right in the middle of the forest clearing. “Hello,” he says, in a voice so deep it makes me weak at the knees.

Suddenly, I remember what’s going on, and I feel myself turn bright red. Legend says that unitaurs only show themselves to virgins. It’s embarrassing to think that this incredibly sexy beast can tell I’m a virgin.

I swallow. “Hi,” I say, my voice coming out a little squeaky.

“I’m Alphonso,” says the unitaur, in that same rich voice. He holds out a hand.

“Leo,” I offer, and reach up to shake his hand. His hand wraps around mine, big and warm, and a tingle runs through my body. I blush even more, if possible.

“Were you looking for me?” asks Alphonso.

I nod. I came out to this forest to try to meet a unitaur, because according to legend, they can grant wishes. “I have a wish,” I say nervously.

Alphonso nods majestically. “I’ll grant your wish if you come with me.” He sinks down, lowering his horse body to the ground. “Please get on.”

I stare at him, wide-eyed. “Are – are you sure?”

He smiles at me in a way that gives me butterflies in my stomach. “Of course. Get on.”

Nervously, I climb onto his back. His body is warm between my legs. He stands up, and I have to wrap my hands around his torso to stay on.

Immediately Alphonso starts to canter out of the clearing. I cling to him. I can feel the muscles of his horse body moving under me, and his human skin is hot and slick with sweat under my hands. I bite my lip. Even though it’s weird, his hotness is turning me on. I can feel myself getting hard as I bounce on his back.

We’re moving quickly through the forest. I try to think about anything other than how hot Alphonso is. After all, I’m here to get my wish granted, not to fuck a unitaur.

At least, that's the plan.

After a long time of trying not to pay too much attention to how Alphonso’s abs feel under my hands, we emerge from the forest onto a riverbank. There’s a huge, twisted tree here. Alphonso kneels down and I get off.

Alphonso turns away from me and looks for something at the base of the tree. I admire his round, muscular haunches.

Alphonso turns back to me with an elegant wooden bowl in his hands. “Fairy dust,” he explains. “I need it to grant your wish.”

He tosses a handful of fairy dust over himself. It clings to his face and his magnificent chest, making it look like he’s covered in rainbow glitter, and I’m breathless once again at how beautiful he is.

He clops over to me and ducks his head. “Rub my horn and then state your wish, and it shall be granted,” he says formally.

I reach up and touch his horn. It’s a little warm, and I rub my hand up and down the smooth length of it.

Alphonso lets out a pleasure-filled groan.

The sound goes straight to my cock, turning me on even more than before, and I pull my hand back, embarrassed.

Alphonso notices my chagrin. “Sorry,” he says. “That just feels really good.”

“It’s okay,” I say awkwardly.

Alphonso’s brown eyes take on a far-away look. “It’s been forever since anyone touched my horn,” he says contemplatively. “Few people visit the forest nowadays. It’s a great change to have someone to talk to.”

My heart goes out to the majestic unitaur. I know better than anyone how it feels to be lonely.

In fact, that’s why I’m here, I remind myself. I’ve gotten so swept up in worrying about Alphonso that I forgot about making my wish: that I would make a new best friend.

Since I’m a virgin, you might think that what I’d really want to wish for is a boyfriend, but right now I’m so lonely I just want a friend. Things had fallen apart between me and my best friend recently, and it’s miserable.

So I recognize the dejection on Alphonso’s face. “Well, I’m here. You could talk to me,” I offer.

Alphonso smiles broadly at me. I try to ignore the way my stomach does flips. “Okay,” he says happily. “Tell me about yourself.”

I fidget nervously. I’m worried I’ll be awkward. But I feel a real connection between Alphonso and me, and I want to make him happy, so I start talking. But I’m so nervous that I start babbling. “Well, I’m an engineer, I’m 27, I’m Scottish, which you can probably tell, heh. And, and I’ve never met a unitaur before, actually, I had no idea you would be so hot –“

I stop myself, realizing what I just said. It’s too late, Alphonso definitely heard me. 

“So you think I’m hot, huh?”

“Well… yeah.” His hotness is pretty undeniable.

Alphonso grins. “I didn’t know you were gay.”

“Hey, I’m not gay,” I say quickly.

“Oh. Well, sorry to assume, I won’t push you –“

“I’m bi.”

“Oh,” says Alphonso, eyes shining with a predatory gay glint as he looks at me.

A hot rush of desire washes over me. Now that I’ve starting thinking about how attractive the half-man half-beast before me is, I can’t stop. I’m aching with how much I want to kiss this hunky unitaur.

My thoughts must be obvious in the furious blush on my cheeks, because Alphonso smiles at me seductively. Slowly, he clops towards me until he’s right in front of me, glittery chest shining at eye level. I look up and our eyes meet, exchanging an electric charge of desire.

Heart pounding, I give in to the lust running through my body. I lean up to wrap my arms around Alphonso’s shoulders. He leans down and our mouths meet passionately. The confidence and strength with which Alphonso carries himself is obvious in the way he kisses, invading my mouth with his tongue as he wraps his muscular arms around me and holds me close.

The feeling of his buff, toned torso against me feels almost as good as his passionate kiss. I can’t help but moan into his mouth as my cock throbs with need. His hands roam over my back, then slip down and squeeze my small, perky ass.

He pulls away enough to talk, his voice deep and charged with lust. “I want to fuck your little human ass.”

I gasp. I’ve never had sex with anyone before, but this incredibly sexy unitaur is driving me to new heights of passion, and right now there’s nothing I want more. “Yes, please, please –“

Alphonso smiles confidently. He lies down in the grass, then rolls over onto his back, horse legs in the air. His horse stomach has _another_ breathtaking set of abs, covered in a layer of hair. Below, between his legs, is his unitaur cock, which actually looks like a large, thick human cock. Except that it glitters a little.

When I see his magnificent cock, I’m overcome with desire. I drop to my knees next to him and lean close, eager to feel it in my mouth. His powerful equine haunches are in the way, so I end straddling his body, facing away from him as I lean down and wrap my lips around his cock.

I’ve never done this before, but instinct guides me as I slide my mouth around his cock. It stretches my mouth open, thick and heavy on my tongue. I take as much of it as I can, enjoying the musky taste of it, and as I move down I can’t help popping my ass up toward Alphonso’s face.

He groans. “Oh, Leo. You’re making me so… horny.”

His words encourage me. I slide down even further, but then his monstrous cock hits my gag reflex and I choke. I pull back, coughing so much my eyes water.

“Hey,” says Alphonso from behind me. “You don’t have to –“ But I shake my head. Leo Fitz isn’t one to give up.

This time when I take his cock into my mouth, I focus on relaxing my throat, allowing his dick to plunge deep into me. Somehow I manage to accommodate his huge size and slide all the way down until my chin is against his abdomen.

I stay there for as long as I can, and then pull back to gasp in a breath. Without waiting, I slide back down. I start bobbing my head, moving up and down Alphonso’s cock in a fast rhythm. It feels surprisingly good to pleasure his huge cock like this.

Alphonso’s horse legs kick a little in midair at my expert skills. He reaches up with his arms and squeezes my ass, catching me by surprise. His hands are huge, cupping my ass entirely, and I moan around his giant cock.

With a bestial snort, Alphonso tugs down my pants and boxers, just enough to expose my ass to the air. I shiver at that, and then shiver again when his hands touch my skin. They’re rough but warm as they rub and squeeze my ass.

I moan and push my butt back towards him. The motion rubs my hard cock, still caught in my clothes, against the warmth of his body, making me gasp and squirm on top of him. The rhythm of my mouth on his thick unitaur cock feels amazing, but I feel a desperate lust for more.

Alphonso must be thinking the same. He raises a hand and lightly smacks my butt, making me squeak, and growls, “Let me ride your gay human ass.”

I’m almost too overwhelmed to respond, but I feel I have to pull off and point out, “Actually it’s a bi human ass – “

“Not right now, it isn't,” argues Alphonso. “When I’m fucking you with my huge, gay, unitaur cock, it’ll be a gay ass.”

I don't know if that’s really how it works, actually. But I’m so overcome with desire that it feels like an external force of homosexual lust forces me to cry, “Ok, yes, please pound my twinky gay ass!”

I climb off him and pull off my clothes as quickly as I can. He’s already seen my butt (which I consider one of my best features), but I catch his eyes lingering on my slender chest and my rock-hard cock as I reveal them.

I’m too impatient with gay desire to put on a show, so I finish stripping quickly. I straddle his strong horse body again, this time facing him. He’s sitting up on his elbows, his deep brown eyes staring intensely into mine. My heart is pounding so hard with passion it feels like it might burst as I reach back and grasp his thick, spit-slick cock and line it up with my virginal asshole.

I rock back onto him, feeling his thick unitaur cock push slowly into me, stretching me with its girth in a way I’ve never felt before. I moan as I push gradually back, driven by the desperate need to be filled up by Alphonso’s huge dick.

“Oh, you’re so big,” I gasp.

“Of course I’m big to a tiny little human like you,” answers Alphonso teasingly, but beneath the light tone, his voice sounds hoarse with gay sexual desire.

When I’m seated completely on Alphonso’s thick unitaur dick, I sit there for a moment, relishing the feeling of being penetrated completely. But the lust in my blood is howling for more, so I start to move, rocking slowly up and down on his cock.

The pleasure grows exponentially as I drive myself onto his cock again and again. Soon I’m trembling and panting, each movement building the sea of lust within me. Alphonso is grunting, moving his hindquarters to thrust his dick up into my ass.

“Ah, fuck, that feels so good,” I can’t help moaning.

“Yeah,” grunts Alphonso. “I love your tight little ass, baby. You’re perfect.”

His words make me flush all over and push back even harder onto him. It feels amazing to let myself go and enjoy all these incredible sexual feelings I’ve never felt before. I can tell from the lust in Alphonso’s dark eyes that he likes seeing me let go, too.

All the swirling gay lust has only strengthened the connection I felt to Alphonso earlier. We seem to know exactly what to do without having to discuss it. We increase our rhythm at the same time, moving faster and faster, until I’m bouncing on top of him in a frenzy of animalistic desire. I feel pleasure building inside me like I’ve never felt before.

Desperate with desire, I reach between our bodies to grab my dick. I’m so hard that my own fist around myself feels beyond amazing. I start to stroke myself frantically, in time with rocking myself onto Alphonso’s massive cock. My whole body is trembling and I can feel Alphonso’s warm, strong body shaking beneath me.

Soon the sensations are too much. “I – I’m gonna cum,” I gasp.

“Yeah,” groans Alphonso. “Come on, baby, do it.”

When I was a virgin and imagined having sex, I never thought I’d be a screamer. But now it’s like some outside force compels me. My back arches as orgasmic pleasure explodes through me, and I throw my head back, crying out wordlessly. Bliss rockets through my whole body as jets of pearly cum shoot out of my cock and splatter onto Alphonso’s furry, muscular stomach.

Alphonso immediately shakes and lets out a primal yell of his own. His massive dick pulses inside me, pumping thick, hot cum into my asshole. “Fuck!” groans Alphonso, squeezing his eyes closed as load after load shoots into me, until there’s so much unitaur seed filling my tight ass that it starts to spill out onto Alphonso’s hindquarters.

Finally, we both float down from the world of gay bliss to reality. I slide forward, crawling up Alphonso’s body until I can lie with my chest on his human chest and look into his eyes.

He reaches up to stroke my face gently. “How do you feel?”

I realize that I’ve just lost my virginity. To a magical, hunky unitaur. I wonder if I should feel any different. I do feel fucked-out, my body sore but still echoing with pleasure, but underneath that I still feel like myself. A very happy version of myself.

“Good,” I answer Alphonso.

He smiles at me. Even after everything that just happened, his smile still makes my stomach do a little flip. “You know, you forgot to make your wish.”

“Oh yeah, I was going to wish that I would find a new best friend,” I recall.

It sounds silly, but suddenly I get the feeling that my wish has already started to come true. I feel a deep emotional connection to Alphonso that goes beyond the incredibly intense sexual experience we just shared. He seems kind, funny, and sweet as well as having an impressive physique.

I could see us being friends, or more - much, much more - for a long time to come.

My eyes meet Alphonso’s, and I get the feeling he’s thinking the same thing. All I can see in his eyes is deep, gay love.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm going to go take a scalding hot shower and pretend this never happened.


End file.
